i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
