either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm too high and old for this...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
