my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize