Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
