I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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