Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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