Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
