Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
