I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
