so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
