I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
