So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
