Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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