My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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