all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
