i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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