Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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