apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
