Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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