Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
