I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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