so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
