you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
