I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
