i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
