you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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