Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
