Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
