I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
