my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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