help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
