do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
