Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
