Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
