hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
