This is not my ceiling
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
