she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
ttyl tear gas
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
