question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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