drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
