Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
