I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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