Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
