hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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