I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
