I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize