i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
