I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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