i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
