can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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