you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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