Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
