I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
