Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
