I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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