Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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