I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
