She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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