my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
