shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
