I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
