So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
