You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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