There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
