he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dear god my vagina.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
